This time it is different. I am finally dedicating time to my writing. I have blocked out three hours of my day. During those three hours my phone, my blog, and my email do not exist. I just finished a book study (Courage and Calling) through my church here in Friday Harbor and one of the things we discussed was fear, and allowing fear to hold us back. While I was contemplating that, and an astounding God revelation that came to me in the form of my answer to a very simple question, Nessa came up with an accountability idea to keep us writing, and a list of tasks to help us on our way.
On Saturday she put up a list of our first week’s assignments. I did them all in one day, and one of them connected with my book study and electrified me. Write a list of at least 10 reasons why I haven’t pursued or achieved what I want.
- afraid of failure
- not smart enough
- not a good enough storyteller
- no time
- not disciplined
- afraid of ridicule
- don’t know where to start
- easily side tracked by time wasters and side issues
- afraid of success
Ten out of ten items stemmed from fear. Fear. I moved 1800 miles from home all by myself and made myself a successful new life, then I chucked that life and moved across the ocean with a man I met on the internet. Fear? That is totally unacceptable. Never in my life have I ever equated fear with my personality. It has to go.
As for that astounding God revelation that came, the simple question was, if you could be anything you wanted to be this very minute, what would it be? I answered, as I always answer, “Published author.” The next question was, when you were a child, what was your dream job for when you grew up? Again, my answer was, “Published author.” And the author went on to explain that when he does career counseling with unhappy or conflicted clients, they almost always answer those two questions the same. The childhood dream never has a chance to grow up and become reality, or be put aside. It is always and forever cherished as a dream.
It is time to stop cherishing my dream and live it.