Through the Window

The skies were overcast, but the weather was in the high 60’sF, so I had my windows open and this came through:

Man: “Hon, do we have an E.T.A. on lunch?”

Woman: “Eat this, Jerk Wad!”

Man: “Ouch! Hey! What is it?” There was laughter is his voice. “And what’s with you?”

Woman, angry: “It’s an eviction notice!”

Man, exasperated, “It is not. It’s a warning.”

Woman: “Yeah, well, it will be an eviction notice if you don’t control your brother and his stereo.”

Man: “I’ll talk to him. Come here.”


Man, hopefully: “Lunch?”

Woman, laughing: “It’s not on my to-do list.”

Man, still hopeful: “Pootang?”

Woman, drily: “You’ve got a better chance of getting lunch.”

Woman, giggling and shrieking: “Stop!”

Man: “Hey, come back here!”

More giggling, and a door slams.

Neighborhood Watch

You’ve probably read a few of my stories about my neighbors (here & here, for instance), so it likely won’t surprise you to learn that, while I am cordial, I don’t encourage friendship. Through observation only, I know a few things about the elderly lady who lives across the street from me. She is extremely short. She is Filipino. She loves her Kenny Rogers CD, and her favorite song is, Lucille. Until this morning, I had never spoken to the woman.

Today as I left my house and prepared to get into my car, she came out of her house yelling, “Yoohoo! Yoohoo!” I was quite startled to see her waving at, and heading toward, me. Still, I smiled and said, “Good morning.”

She stopped in the middle of the street and said, “The other day you go,” she pointed down the street. “You drive away, and then your door, it open. It stay open all day. I say to myself, The car is gone. No one is there. So I sit all day and I watch. No one bother you. I watch.”

I was surprised. I thought my door couldn’t have been open long, because the cats and all my possessions were still inside. “How long was my door open?” I asked.

She shrugged. “I was lunch eating. My soap was on. Maybe one thirty.”

“Oh my gosh!” I exclaimed. “I didn’t get home until seven!”

“I know.” She nodded her head. “I sit in my chair and I watch. No one bother. Your cats, they come and they go. The brown one walks the yard. The white one stays on steps. Car drive by, inside they run.”

I thanked her. I told her I was glad she was my neighbor. She said, “I honest. Not like some some. ”

I thanked her again. She turned to walk away, then turned back. “You lock good. I not always home. Check door.” She pointed at my closed door. “Check! Check!”

I had one foot in my car, but I obediently walked over and checked my door. “Locked,” I said.

She nodded, “Good. Good. I go Bingo. No worry.”