Blogging Without a Net

… can’t be done.  That’s why you are so late hearing from me.  The hotel net crashed this morning and it took Oceanic Time Warner a couple of hours to get it back online.  During that time Ella and I went out for breakfast (Amoeba is at work) and took some photos which I will share later.

In the meantime, as Ella and I were returning to the room and the elevator doors opened, a woman charged into the lobby and yelled to her mate as she quick-stepped past us, “Oh! I have to pee!  I can’t believe I let you talk me into coming to Hawaii.  You know when I smell the ocean I have to pee!  Where’s the bathroom?”

Luckily, she spied the bathroom just as she asked the last question.  Ella and I looked at each other as we stepped into the elevator.  We might be strange, but we’re not that strange!

Kid Logic

I was in the soap isle of the grocery store.  A mother with a toddler in her cart passed me and went around the end of the isle to the frozen section.  I heard the toddler exclaim, “Oh!  I wants dat!”  I knew from experience that they were standing in front of the ice cream case.

Mom said, “I just bet you do, but those are for very good little boys.”

“I’s can be a good lil boy,” the toddler said. “I’s can.  I’s can be weally good.”

Momma said, “But you weren’t very good this morning.”  I walked around the isle to the ice cream section, mother and toddler had moved on to the frozen vegetables.

The toddler said, “I’s can be good.  I’s can.  I’s can be weally good.  Weally.”

Momma said, “Good little boys don’t ask for things in the grocery store.”

The child looked at her with a frown on his face.  “Bud if I’s no ask,” he said, “You no knows whad I’s wans.”

Because she wants us to laugh a little every weekend, Shakira of, You Are Never Alone, hosts the Weekend Funnies meme.  Shakira says she doesn’t care if we make up our own memes or post some of those endless jokes that fill our email boxes.  She just wants us to share a bit of laughter while visiting each other on the net.  Check out Shikira’s blog for the other players and come laugh with us.

Hyperactively Dense

I recently tripped across Puget Sound with an interesting assortment of travel companions.  Such is the joy of public conveyance. I shared my voyage with about 35 pre-teens and their chaperons, and an assortment of other travelers that included a mother with two toddlers under the age of five.  The preteens scattered.  Individually and in small groups, they dashed from port to starboard and fore and aft, in order to see all of the shining sea they could see.

The mother sat her two toddlers down in a padded booth and told them to stay.  They immediately slithered down and tried to run with the other kids.  Mom deftly caught them and returned them to their seats, “You may not get down,” she said.  So the one promptly climbed over the back of the booth onto the other seat, slid under the table and darted for freedom.  Mom snatched her and turned to find the other child standing on the bench-seat back while reaching for an empty coat hook.  I can only assume the kid planned to swing on on the hook.  I have no clue because mommy interrupted.  However, the other child was once again free and running.

Mom hooked her arm around the waist of the smallest child and carried her over to where the bigger one was pounding the buttons on the vending machine.  She brought them both back to their booth and put them down.  “Don’t move!”  She snapped the order so loudly that half the kids on deck froze, her own included.  “I don’t know why you two can’t just sit still!”  She wailed.

I completely understand the young mother wanting her children to mind even when all of the other kids were running wild. However, I think she’d have had a much easier time getting them to sit and stay had she not given each of them their own 16 ounce can of Red Bull. I’m just sayin’ …..

Bits and Bites

Bits:

I wrote this piece for Dr. John’s dragon story contest. It didn’t win (Margaret’s did), but I thought you might enjoy it just the same.

I’m a school teacher well respected in my community and not given to flights of fancy, but I swear, my newest student, Jimmy, is a dragon. I saw him change the other day. It was nearing lunchtime. He said he was very, very hungry and he had to eat. He said if he didn’t eat, something bad would happen. I reminded him that recess was in 20 minutes, and lunch would be right after. He insisted that he’d never make it. Of course, I thought he was exaggerating.

About 15 minutes later I told the students to finish up their math and get ready for recess. They tidied their desks and lined up at the door. Jimmy was in the back of the line. Tulie, our classroom bully, was right in front of Jimmy. I signaled the student line leader to open the door and told everyone to walk to the playground. As they filed out, the air around Jimmy started to shimmer. In the blink of an eye he transformed into a huge, yellow-bellied, grayish-green dragon. In the next instant, with a glup and a burp, he swallowed Tulie.

Almost immediately Jimmy was Jimmy again and the dragon was gone. Tulie was gone as well. He has never been seen again. There is an amber alert out for Tulie and his picture is being circulated far and wide, yet I predict he will never be found. I would tell the police what I saw, but I am afraid they’d never believe me and my career would suffer. Besides, the classroom is rather pleasant now that Tulie is gone, and I owe Jimmy a good turn for getting rid of him. Of course, to keep Jimmy from eating anyone else, I keep plenty of classroom snacks on hand, and Jimmy gets the dragon’s share of them.

Bites:

Magic Bites, that is. The Ilona Andrews novel has risen to #15 on the Barnes and Noble Science Fiction & Fantasy best-sellers list. Have you purchased your copy yet? They are hopping off the shelves right and left.