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McBreakfast for McChampions

OC considers me a somewhat over-zealous driver.  After a couple of times of bouncing his head off the passenger side window, he pointed out that I take corners a little faster and sharper then is standard.   Judging by the hole in the floor and the fingerprint grooves in the dashboard, I’d say I brake a bit more abruptly then he does, too.   The first couple of times OC visited, I offered to let him drive. He politely declined.  This last time he was here he took the car keys and that was that. 

This morning I encountered a woman who made my driving seem positively sedate.  We were both approaching the turn into McDonald’s.  She was behind me.  When I flipped on my blinker she tromped on her gas pedal, shot into the right hand turn lane — which I already occupied– and took the curb to get to the parkinglot first.  I slammed on my brakes as she careened between my front fender and a light post.

I drove the circle loop to the drive-thru.  She screeched across the flea market parkinglot, darting between cars.  As I slewed around the last corner she shot in front of me and ran her front passenger tire over the curb to pull into the drive-thru first.  That was totally unnecessary because I had already stopped my car several feet away.  McDonald’s doesn’t sell anything I want badly enough to die for.

I could have pulled into the drive-thru behind the woman, but there were already four cars ahead of her.  Nobody was parked in the lot.  I pulled up near the door, got out of my car and walked into the store.  A few minutes later I walked back out with a cup of coffee and hot sandwich in hand.  Just before I stepped into my car I smiled at the lady and saluted her with my coffee cup.  There were still two more cars ahead of her before she could even order.

There is a difference between quick and reckless.  Sometimes the two are hard to differentiate.  Sometimes  the chasm is blatantly obvious.

Quilly is the pseudonym of Charlene L. Amsden, who lives on The Big Island in Hawaii. When she is not hanging out with Amoeba, she is likely teaching or sewing. Or she could be cooking, taking photographs, or even writing. But if she's not doing any of that, she's probably on Facebook or tinkering with her blog.


  1. My most sincere apologies, Quilly. I was on a terribly important mission. You see, I was told by someone that I could find, at that location, the map to lost treasure, proof of alien life, evidence that would get Rove sent to federal prison, and the recipe for making calorie free chocolate cake with whipped icing. Not to mention a cup of coffee and a breakfast burrito. My contact was only going to be there for another three minutes and forty seven seconds, and when I saw all those cars in line, I was worried that I would miss him and the mission and information would be jeopardized. Fortunately, I made it in time and I have passed on the information to my superiors. I’m afraid I have already said too much, but I cannot stand by and let you think that it was simply an insensitive driver that cut you off this morning.

    By the way, I am very pleased that you got your coffee. When you waved, if I happened to look irritated with you and waved back with only my middle finger, you should know that I was worried I wouldn’t make it in time, and it’s a secret gesture within our international organization. You should not attempt to employ this salute in any way, especially when driving. The organization will recognize that you are not a member, and they will try to run you off the road. So far, we have let the media believe that this is simple road rage, but that is not the case. I trust that you will keep this information secret.

    Enjoy the coffee, dear, and next time try a different McDonalds. You never know when you might run into one of our secret operatives at that location.

  2. Brig — thank you for your considerate apology. I fear you will find the fat free chocolate cake recipe not worth the bother. It is rather rubbery and the whipped topping evaporates into goo. Next time insist on the fat free chocolate chip cookie recipe. It is much better.

  3. my significant other often complains i drive too aggressively. i wonder why he lets me do all the long distance driving…

  4. Doug — I was probably here at my desk before she made it out of the drive-thru, but if I had to guess I’d say, yes.

    Polona — “too aggressive” and “dangerous” aren’t necessarily the same thing. You likely get to where you’re going faster.

  5. That happens to me all the time. I am somewhat of a daredevil behind wheels myself, but some people just don´t have two seconds in life…I usually catch them at the next red light anyway…happily smiling, sometimes waving and occasionally glaring at them, depending on their offence!

  6. Minka — one of my favorite bumper stickers reads: Drive like hell, you’ll get there. I am a bit abrupt in some of my movements, but I promise I am far from reckless.

  7. Quilly

    You just witnessed a Calgary Driver ;), actually all joking aside I am glad you are ok and God’s Angels kept you safe. Nice that you doffed your hat so to speak when you saw her in line. How polite of you.

    Blessed Weekend is wished for you.

    I can’t get over though you’d go to “Rotten Ronnies”, I can only imagine the heartburn.

  8. Setting the record straight.

    I do not consider Milady an over-zealous driver. She drives exactly how you might expect somebody who would ride her bike over a cliff to drive. You learn to lean – I did not put that crack in the side paneling. I learned to drive in a Volkswagen Bus. Without turning it into a bowling ball. Which it will become in a stiff wind, never mind a hard turn. Besides, you know how silent whistles call dogs? For me, power turns call big guys with badges.

    And yes, I do not brake as abruptly as she does. But Hotel Subaru’s brakes are not as robust as those on most Detroit cars. You stand on the things for a week and the bus will come grudgingly to a stop. Do the same thing in a Chevy and you’ll be plastered against the dash. Or, worse (and this has happened to me), nothing will happen. Only takes a couple of times hurtling through a blind intersection with a ruptured brake line to teach nervous amoebae caution in the matter of bringing half-ton missiles to a stop.

    Sounds like that woman didn’t need coffee. A sedative, maybe. Note to Las Vegans. Gamble in the casinos. That’s why you have them.

    Glad you got out of this alive, Quilly.

  9. Bill — that was my first and last cup of McDonald’s coffee. It didn’t give me heartburn, but I am certain it would have had I finished it.

    OC — I’ve been waiting all day for you to read this post and squawk. Thank you for not disappointing me. :* I note you didn’t deny taking the car keys and keeping them. As for getting out of Micky D’s alive, we had the parkinglot conversation, remember? They are much more dangerous then city streets. I never fought the lady for position. If she wanted to die for a bad cup of Ronnie’s coffee, she was going to have to do it without me.

  10. Holy cow, what was Princess doing in Nevada? My baby girl drives like a maniac all the time. It doesn’t matter what I say or do, she’s too old to take away her keys and guarded by driving fairies or something because the only accident she’s ever had was not her fault.

  11. Mumma — there is nothing at McD’s I would label “to die for,” but yesterday I did realize the coffee could kill.

    Kat — we used to say Gram drove with an angel on her shoulder. After riding with her once a friend of mine said, “Her shoulder, hell! She must have angels on all four corners!” Maybe Princess does, too.

    Al — there is that. I very seldom have passengers. And when I do have them, I can’t seem to keep them long … 😀

  12. Jackie — I have never had anybody refuse to ride with me. In fact, you have ridden with me. I don’t remember hearing any screaming — except when I drove through that section of town known as, “Crack Alley,” and then it wasn’t my driving you were screaming about — oh yeah, , I guess you did screech something along the lines of go faster.

  13. Quilly- I met up with that woman’s husband (or driving teacher) a few weeks ago! He drives a gray dodge mini-van and does not well at all. I was getting ready to drop Ardith off at her house and there was a utility truck in my lane, in front of her house. It was parked and facing the opposite way we were. I pulled up and stopped beside it, somewhat in the other lane. My flashers were on and the bus door was open. The utility vehicle pulled away behind us. Ardith started to exit the bus, then turned back to say something to me. Just as she turned, that gray van sped through, between my bus and the curb, in what was really my lane. He didn’t just ease through- he roared through, when he could have gone around on the proper side and done so safely. Had Ardith not turned back to speak to me, she would have been hit and probably killed by that idiot.

  14. OC has a problem with your driving??? He would really lose it with me then huh. Especially when we were heading back from Wendy’s heading towards the office. He He

  15. Angela — have you heard of writer’s license? OC has, at most, occasional twinges of unease about my driving, and they are more from surprise then fear. It seems he didn’t know that cars could do somethings I make mine do.

    And he probably won’t make any Wendy’s runs with you driving — especially if he knew we were going to try to make a 35 minute trip in 20 minutes.

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