I called my landlord the other day and told him there was much agitation at our house because the washing machine wouldn’t.

“It doesn’t agitate?”  He queried.   I confirmed that it neither agitated or spun.  He said he’d be right over.

He and his buddy came with a couple of tool boxes, a moving dolly and a book on home appliance repair.  They pulled the washer into the middle of the carport, took it apart in pieces, and sat down and read to each other from the book.  Finally the landlord said, “We have figured out what parts we need to order.  I’ll be back tomorrow.”  Then they tidied up the carport and left.

The next evening he arrived after work, again with the buddy and the moving dolly.  They brought no tools, no book and no parts.  The landlord said, “We’re going to take this over to my garage and work on it in better light. “  Since our carport has only one little 30 watt bulb, I understood.  I watched them wheel my washer away.

A couple of hours later they wheeled it back.  “We’ll hook it up,” the landlord said.  “It should work now.”  I was very excited and ran inside the house to get a basket of laundry.  I went outside with the laundry.  “Let’s wait,” the landlord said.  “We want to have it run a cycle first to see that all is well before you add your clothes.”

That sounded sensible.  I put the basket down and waited.  They turned the knob on the machine and watched it slowly fill.  Buddy said, “Why are you filling it with hot water?”

The landlord looked at the controls and said, “Cold water.  Says so on the dial.”

Buddy answered, “Come stick your hand in this.  It’s hot.”

The landlord stuck his hand in the water.  “Damn,” he said.  “I guess I hooked the pipes up backward.”  He pushed the button on the machine to stop the water.  Next he turned the taps off, unhooked the pipes, and reattached them correctly.  Then he reached up and cranked the knob to turn the water back on.  The cold water knob turned without a problem.  The hot water knob broke off in his hand.  “Oh,” he said.  Then he looked up at me and asked if I needed hot water tonight.  I told him I seldom use hot water for any of my laundry.  “Good,” he said, “Because I won’t be able to fix this faucet until tomorrow.”

Then he turned the machine back on.  Everybody  was pleased that it was filling with cold water when on the cold water setting.  Suddenly the machine started to agitate.  Both the landlord and his buddy jumped in surprise, then yelled, “All right!” and “Way to go!”

“What?” I asked. “Didn’t you expect it to agitate?”

“We weren’t sure,” the landlord said at the same time his grinning buddy quipped, “Of course, we’re professionals!”

I pointed at the repair manual in his hand. “Professional whats?” I asked

“Bullshitters!” the landlord said and everybody laughed.

It’s pretty convincing bullshit, though.  I am rid of my agitation and the washing machine has it’s back.  All is well in paradise (although the sink may disagree).