Hello, my name is Quilldancer and I am an idiot. I have been an idiot all my life, but am usually able to bluff my way through most things and convince people otherwise. Unfortunately this morning events conspired against me. I finally came up against something that I could not bluff my way through.
It all started two months ago when I bought my new cell phone. The service rep handed it to me turned on and ready to go. In all the time I have had it, I have never turned it off. Well, last evening I grabbed it to make a call and discovered the battery had gone dead. I plugged it in to recharge and made my call on a land line.
This morning I tried to turn my phone on. None of the buttons I poked seemed to have the desired effect. I went to get the instruction book. The first page of the instruction book reads: First turn your phone on. Duh. How? That it doesn’t say.
Lovely. I realized immediately that that could only mean one thing: I was the only person in the entire world who didn’t know how to operate my cell phone.
I went to church and walked up to a lovely 15 year-old friend of mine. “Hey, Nic,” I said. “Turn my phone on, and then tell me how you did it.” She looked at me with that smirk that only 15 year-old female faces can form, and took my phone. She pressed her finger down on a button I had already pushed.
Ha! I knew that one wouldn’t work. “Already tried that,” I said as I smirked back at her and reached for my phone. Keeping her finger on the button, she evaded my reach. I heard the phone sound a lovely little chime. The view screens lit up.
“I’d already tried that one,” I repeated lamely. Nic thrust the phone at me, rolled her eyes, turned to her little sister and said, “Grown-ups are so impatient.”
I went to my favorite pew and sat down next to my 78 year-old friend, Irene. “Nic is making fun of me just because I didn’t know how to turn my cell phone on,” I said, knowing this sweet, ancient little-old-lady would have no idea either. Irene laughed. “Just hold down the hang-up button for 15 seconds,” she said. “That’s how you turn it on and off.”
That’s how my status as an idiot became offical. Little old ladies have more technological skills than I.