Percussion Instruments, Just the Fax & Pending Criminal Charges

They were at church.  He was practicing with the praise band.  His position in the praise band is very eclectic.  He sings some, he plays a rhythm drum, occasionally blows on a trumpet, and has even been known to shake his hinny tambourine.  Last night was no different.

She was snapping photographs.  That’s one of the things she does to pass the time when she attends practice with him.  Everyone has gotten used to ignoring Her.  Perhaps He has gotten too used to ignoring her.

She said, “I like the way the tambourine is hanging off your trumpet.  That would make a good photograph, especially with the sun glinting off the brass like that.”

He said, “That trumpet is a very expensive tambourine holder, but it seems to work.”

She said, “There’s a sunbeam coming in through the window and spotlighting it.  It would make a great photograph but I don’t want your legs in the picture.”

He said, “I need the tambourine where it’s easy to grab.”

She stared at him.  He looked at her quizzically, wondering why she looked annoyed.  She pointed her index finger at him, moved her hand to the right and clearly enunciated,  “Move!”  He stepped aside.  She snapped the pic.  The sunbeam was gone.  The tambourine no longer glowed, and, Lenora, one of the back up singers in the band, was giggling.

She looked at Lenora and said, “I don’t know why I try to be subtle. He doesn’t get hints.  If I want him to respond I need to be direct and to the point.”

Lenora commiserated. “My husband is the same way.  I think all men are.  I doubt they know any other way to communicate. ”

She agreed.  “All they want are the facts.  Nice and simple.”

He said, “That’s not fair!  We text and we email.  We’ve moved beyond just the fax.”

She groaned.  Lenora snatched her microphone off the stand and swung.  He put his hands up.  Lenora pretended to bludgeon him.  The music director yelled, “Hey!  This is a church!  If you two have to fight, don’t damage the equipment!”

Lenora paused, stared at her microphone for a moment, then carefully returned it to the stand. She resumed the faux-bludgeoning with her fist.

The music director said, “Thank you.  That’s much better.  Now, do I need to call you lawyer, or can we finish this practice?

He said, “Well, you can call me a lawyer if you wish, but I usually only respond to my name.”

The music director took a deep breath, adjusted his guitar and began to count, “And a one and a two …”

30 thoughts on “Percussion Instruments, Just the Fax & Pending Criminal Charges

  1. This was funny, I think Dr John is right though, you should be filmed and put on youtube.
    Oh Thom, are you busy??

    Great post Quilly, I needed the chuckle.

    • Jim, that cuss both dates your grandpa and places him geographically in the American Southeast, most probably Tennessee. The put-down dates all the way back to 1824, when Clay used his power as Speaker of the House to put John Quincy Adams in the White House rather than the popular-vote winner, Andrew Jackson. The implication is that the cussee is without honor or integrity, whose service is for sale to the highest bidder.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Clay#Election_of_1824

  2. And here I thought he just talked like that with you…
    Obviously, I couldn’t be more wrong.

    My husband groans every time I stop to take pictures when we are on a walk, but he was kind enough to bring me the camera on the way home from a hike the other day. The sun was “just right” on a water tower. (He didn’t get it, but he did bring me the camera.)
    .-= kcinnova´s last blog ..Stressed for Success =-.

    • Karen — oh no, Amoeba would talk like that to you, too. Trust me.

      And having them cooperate when they think we’re nuts is how we know they love us.

  3. Yep, I learned way back in college in Ad Psych that men and women communicate differently. Not that either is dumb — just different. Yet I still find myself getting at things indirectly instead of just stating what I want — and, as you said, sometimes that comes across as bluntness, especially in front of others. But it looks like everyone took it in good fun.
    .-= Barbara H.´s last blog ..Blog year in review: =-.

  4. i know very few men (if any) who would get your hint and not so few who would feel offended if given such a direct order. (actually, i had fun reading this)
    .-= polona´s last blog ..coo =-.

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