I thought I would wet your appetite for Punny Monday:
If you fail to pay the exorcist for services rendered, will you get repossessed?
Q. – What do you know about the guy who jumped off the bridge in Paris?
A. – He’s in Seine.
A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.
What did the drunk say to the guy lounging in front of the bathroom door?
“Urine my way.”
A braggart always has his feat in his mouth.
Topiary art is the cutting edge of garden design.
May: In your opinion, who was the greatest actor of all time?
Kay: Dr. Frankenstein’s monster. He was a man of many parts.
A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.
John Deere’s manure spreader is the only equipment the company won’t stand behind.
I’m drawn to art.
I’ve failed the mathematics test so many times I lost count.
I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
He said I was average – but he was just being mean.
A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, “Is the bar tender here?”
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother on the trail?
Because they want us to laugh a little every weekend, Shakira of, You Are Never Alone, and Gattina of Writer’s Cramps, host the Weekend Funnies meme. They care if we tell our own tales or post some of those endless jokes that fill our email boxes. They just want us to share a bit of laughter while visiting each other on the net. Check out Gattina’s blog for the other players and come laugh with us.
I laughed at the John Deere and the Termite pun.
Bill — I really liked the John Deere one, too.
Oh my! You must have been on a hunt for NEW ideas! Some of these are really good!
Melli — right first guess, and they are, aren’t they?
Linda — me, too!
Karen — he said he was your boyfriend.
These are great!
A missionary friend posted a few cannibal jokes on her Facebook:
What did the cannibal say when he came upon a sleeping missionary? ~ Ah! Breakfast in bed!
Did you hear about the missionary that gave some cannibals their first taste of religion?
And one I heard years ago: Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because the taste funny.
That should be “Because they taste funny.”
Barbara — these first two were new to me and funny. Thanks for the laugh.
Cheers to the termite LOL Great list 🙂
Thom, he was my second favorite. I liked the cannibal one best.
That toothless termite pun is hilarious!
Kala — I am glad I gave you a smile. Come back for Punny Monday in just a few hours.
It is after 1:01 a.m. This is completely unfair! Do you mean Eastern, Central, Mountain or Pacific time zone?
Karen, if you were new here I would understand. Since you aren’t and you’ve been a little whiney lately, I have to ask, did someone steal your blankey?
Scheduled duly updated. Thank you.
I only know one joke, so I use it sparingly. How ironic that it would be one that utilizes punnery. (btw, I made that word up.) 😉
If I plumber’s business can go down the drain,
and a firefighter’s career can go up in smoke,
does that mean that a hooker can get laid off?
Points to punder. 😛 Have a great week! 🙂
Cherie — priceless!
8) Great selection, great laughs!!
OK, I will have a look into the Seine, hahaha !
Weekend Funnies are only on Saturdays, don’t ask me why, lol !
I enjoyed that!
“I’m drawn to art” has to get passed on to the Kid, now that she’s doing it for real at college. Would make a great t-shirt.
Bwaaahaahhhaaaa! These are great, although I admit, some I had to re-read because I didn’t “get” them the first time. Duh!
Is it sad that the math pun is the one that made me LOL?
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