Bottomed Out

He emerged from the closet with sweat pants in hand.  She said, “Are you wearing those to work?”

He said, “I have to.  I don’t seem to have any clean jeans.”

She said, “Yes you do!  I washed the laundry yesterday!”  She ran into the laundry room to get his clothes.  “Oh!”  She yelled.  “Apparently ‘the maid’ forgot to put your clothes in the dryer. I suppose you’re going to be picky and insist on dry jeans?”

He said, “No.  I’m just going to wear my sweats.  I’m already putting them on.”

She emerged from the laundry room. “That’s good, because after all, I spent yesterday ironing your shirts.  I think insisting on ironed shirts and dry blue jeans is just a little over the top, don’t you?”

He said, “We’ve got to do something about your attention span and memory, dear.  If all I wanted was something for “over the top” we wouldn’t be worried about jeans or sweat pants now, would we?”

She said, “No, but we might have to worry about you getting drafted.”

Mr. [Not] Stylin’

Amoeba is a scientist.  Those of you who have mental visions of him peering into a microscope while wearing a white lab coat, with glasses perched on the end of his nose and his hair askew, need to revise your stereotype — Amoeba doesn’t wear a lab coat.  For the most part the both of us are very casual dressers.  Luckily, that seems to be standard apparel here on the island.  On the other hand, some of Amoeba’s clothes are getting a bit too casual and I’m thinking it is time to retire them.

In the process of shopping for suitable Amoeba wear, I stumbled across a men’s pant buying guide that left me in stitches.  This bit actually got me to laugh out loud: A smart man will never leave his gut hanging out over his pants. Don’t give in to pride and insist that you wear the same size jean you wore in college–let go of your delusions and buy pants that fit. Further reading left me with no doubt that the author of the article is a clothing snob, but he is a hilarious clothing snob. Here’s another couple quotes: Younger and trendier men often wear their pants lower, along their hips. This is a riskier way to go, as you may show off parts of yourself intended for private use, but if it’s really where you want your pants to fall, use that measurement. And: How do you want to keep your pants up? You can have suspenders or you can have a belt. You cannot have both. Oh dear. That’s bad news for Amoeba.

Amoeba has a drawer full of ties but I have never seen him wear one — well, not counting the back bow tie for the orchestra performances, but that’s different. According to the men’s fashion guru, 100% silk ties should be worn with 100% cotton shirts. Sports shirts — whether long or short sleeved should never be worn with a tie and most certainly should never be worn with a suit. Huh, I bet every male in my family has broken that rule.

I pretty much think Amoeba is still adequately covered for the summer so I was checking the men’s winter clothing trends.  I have to tell you I was pretty happy to see rubber boots, wool Henley’s and fleece sweaters.  Those are things Amoeba might actually wear.  I also read that polka dot and striped handkerchiefs are this winter’s must haves.  I told Amoeba.  He said, “Yeah, right,” but it didn’t really sound like agreement.