Why She Doesn’t Watch Football

He had his earphones on and was totally engrossed in the game. She walked in and put her hand on his shoulder. He moved the earphones off one ear and looked at her. “Yes?”

She asked, “Do you have an ETA on coming to dinner?”

He said, “There’s about five minutes left on the game clock.”

She smiled brightly and said, “Oh! Okay then. Perfect.” She turned to leave the room.

He called her back. “No, hon, that means dinner should be in about an hour.”

WaiverWire, Happily Ever After

Sobbing, Shannon dialed the phone and waited for her mother to answer. Finally her familiar and comforting voice came on the line. “Hello?”

“Mom!” Shannon wailed. “It’s only been three months and already my marriage is over. Jim barely even speaks to me anymore!”

Incredibly, her mother laughed. “Oh, Shannon, it’s just football season. This too shall pass. And it’s not as though the games are on all the time.”

“But Mom, you don’t understand. Jim joined WaiverWire, the hot new fantasy football website. When he’s not watching a game, he’s managing his own all star team.”

“WaiverWire?” Her mother repeated. “I’ve never heard of that.”

“Well,” Shannon said, “As far as I can tell, these former Wall Street guys got together and created a website that uses the format, tools, and techniques for analyzing stocks to analyze football players and fantasy football teams.” Shannon’s voice broke. “Last night when I asked Jim if there was anything he wanted, he said WaiverWire was meeting all his needs!”

“Maybe you could help him like you used to do with Daddy, and join him in researching the different players and gathering news on all the teams.”

“Jim said WaiverWire does that for him!” Shannon wailed. “He has access to over 100 NFL team news feeds, Fantasy Football analysis, research, football ranking, player comparisons and tons of other things. Worse, they have an online forum where Jim can talk football all he wants.”

“Well, then, couldn’t you help him by keeping up with all the other Fantasy Football teams? Surely he needs to know their stats in order to manage his own decisions.”

“Oh, Mom, WaiverWire does that, too!”

“Well, Shannon,” her mother said. “I guess there’s only one thing left to do.”

“Divorce?” Shannon sobbed.

“Of course not,” her mother answered. “Sign on to WaiverWire yourself. Then you and Jim will have something to talk about again.”

“Oh, Mom, you’re brilliant. I don’t know how to thank you!”

“Well, honey, you can start by giving your father and I the WaiverWire url.


Author’s Note: Hey, this stuff really works. Amoeba and I spent the morning together over WaiverWire talking football. He was patient and informative and answered questions I’ve always been afraid to ask! I had a great time.