I am tired. I am sick. I am cranky. And I am an idiot.
I am also near-sighted. In fact, I am so near-sighted that if I take off my glasses I cannot find them again without putting them on to look for them. That is why I always have an extra pair. This morning that extra pair saved my day.
I woke, reached for my glasses — and they weren’t where I always leave them. I leaned over the bed and squinted at the floor. Too dark. I grabbed the flashlight and shone it along side the bed and the bookcase. No glasses.
I leaned over farther still, and shone the flashlight under the bed. Big deal. I couldn’t see more then six inches in front of my face. I went and retrieved my other pair of classes from the drawer below the computer monitor, then I returned and looked under my bed. That’s where that roll of packing tape went! No glasses.
I sat and thought. When did I have my glasses last? I got in bed and read for an hour. I don’t remember turning off the light. Could I have gone to sleep without taking my glasses off? I took the blankets off the bed and shook them, one at a time. I took the top sheet off the bed. Then the bottom sheet. Then the pillows. I took the mattress off the bed. Then I took the bed off the bed. Damn. Somebody should vacuum under here — but no glasses.
A glance at the clock told me I was pushing my time limits. I headed for the shower — pausing to give all the flat surfaces in my bathroom a good look. No glasses. I wore my old pair all day. The prescription is off, and they don’t have bifocals, but they’re still better than no glasses.
Tonight I came home and searched my bedroom again — inch by inch. No glasses. I don’t get it. Glasses don’t just leave. And I can’t go far without them, so where were they?
I gave up, made my dinner, then sat down to my comp and had a lovely chat with OC. After the chat I decided to go to the store and get some Musinex. Except, as I was leaving the house I thought about that dinner I’d eaten. The salad had onions. I went in the bathroom and brushed my teeth.
While brushing my teeth I spotted the hairspray bottle and remembered it was almost empty. I needed more … or did I? I opened the medicine cabinet to look for an extra bottle — and there were my glasses. I have no recollection of putting them there. None. Zip. Nada.
I don’t remember turning out the light last night. I don’t remember going to sleep. I remember making a cup of hot tea, carrying it and my book into my bedroom, curling up to read, and waking up this morning.
At least I’ve found my glasses, but if any of you find where I left my brain, would you send it on home?