Y’know, it’s one thing when you yourself pull stakes and move to Honolulu. But it’s quite another when someone else decides to throw in with you. Really makes you think. Like, here we are, planting ourselves on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. What have we got to look forward to? I started a list …
Mangoes. Goes where? I mean, c’mon. I just got here, and you want me to leave already? You call this hospitality?!?
No, I haven’t eaten one. I ain’t even touchin‘ ’em. The mango tree belongs to the poison ivy family, for crying out loud. Yes it does. For me to eat a mango, it would really be a rash act.
Papaya. Now, I’m glad to see that the Great State of Hawai’i thinks good thoughts about fatherhood. But I don’t see how that’s going to get us very far, unless they’ve got some mamaya hidden away someplace. Look, Jesus of Nazareth may have walked on the water and risen from the dead. But he didn’t give birth to no kids.
The myna. The starlings of Hawai’i. (Actually, starlings and mynas are close relatives on the family tree of birds.) They’re everywhere, and they’re usually in your face, begging for handouts. Or overhead, letting you know how they feel about not getting any. Makes you wonder what would have happened if they’d imported the majah birds instead of the myna ones.
Or maybe, it was the Irish who brought the myna to Hawai’i, thinking that they’d stand in for the leprechauns which would have been hanging out in the forests and caves if the Polynesians hadn’t gotten here first, Neil. I’ve been a myna for a heart of gold …
Hibiscus. The rose of Paradise. Lovely flowers, found in the hairdos of all the pretty girls – and some of the guys. Man, don’t go there! Trouble is, they’re all on tall plants, trees and shrubs and stuff. That leaves a hole in the horticulture, dude, a lacuna in the landscaping. Some enterprising botanist needs to
invent discover a hibiscus that grows small and flat, so it can serve as a groundcover, perennially festooned with those lovely flowers. Which the owner of a needy hairdo can simply reach down and get.
Of course, some snarky people would insist that any such plant be called a lobiscus. I’m not naming names …
Aloha. So low you can’t hear it. I guess we’re not amused. Proof positive that Hawai’i has a royal family. Patterned after the British nobility, no less. Victoria …
What was that you said about the airport, Quilly? Hello? Hello?!? Sigh. Oh well. Plan B. Taxi!
Copyright © 2007 Felloffatruck Publications. All wrongs deplored.
All opinions are mine as a private citizen.