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Dude and Dude: Birthday Suit



“Well, excuuuse me, Mr. Fancy Threads. Am I permitted to breathe the same air as you? And what’s with the briefcase?

“It’s for the briefs, of course.”

You’re an underwear salesman?!? Since when …?”

“The legal briefs. For the case.”

“Dude, you got money you ain’t tellin’ me about, so’s you can go get a fancy satchel and then some kinda slick papers to show off in it?”

“The court case. Arguments are this morning and the documents are required for them.”

“I don’t know whether I want some of this stash, or I wanna rat out the dealer who sold it to you. What arguments? What court?”

“And on what basis are you interested? Amicus curiae?

“Dude, I don’t know if I’ve got a cure for you or not, but I do know that I’m going to cuss you halfway to Indianapolis if you don’t tell me what’s going on!”

“Oh very well. On the 21st instant, the respondent, being the party of the first part in this aaaaaaack!

Dude! Snap out of it! Come back to me! Speak English!!

“I need a throat for that, dude. Sheesh.”

“Jeez, dude, you had me worried.”

“It’s all OC’s fault.”

“What? You mean ‘Amoeba’? The boss? Mr. Command-X?”

Control-X, dude. When will you …?”

“Delete the static and just tell me what’s happening, willya?”

“Well, dude, you know that Quilly’s on the road right now.”

“Yeah. Friends and family are celebrating stuff, and she’s off to join them. You know how she is.”

“Yeah. I think the word saint has passed OC’s lips.”

“More than once. Good thing he knows it, it takes a saint to live with OC sometimes.”

“Even when you don’t have to sweat being control-x’ed.”

Comm …

“But, dude! Today’s Quilly’s birthday! And how is OC going to do anything about her birthday while she’s off in the middle of nowhere without even dialup!

“Well, why didn’t he go with her?”

“There’s the small matter of income, dude, to take care of their outgo. And, um, he muttered something under his breath about Alfie needing a drinking buddy.”

Alfie? Right. So instead of talking this over with the Q, he drags you away from your X-Box, gets you all lawyered up, and sends you to the courthouse to file a … ”

“Birthday suit. Yeah, dude, you got it just about right.”

“Well, phew!

“Glad to have me back, dude?”

Anything is preferable to watching you try to look like you know something. Or, almost anything.”


“Dude, when I first looked at that title up there, I thought that meant OC was going to send you out here naked. And you know where that would land us?”

“The courthouse?”

“The slammer!



  1. Has anyone ever told you that opening your blog is like standing on the high dive at the pool trying to get the courage to jump in? Could you please offer a tutorial on your blog and the best way for the person who-enjoys-your-writing, with non-enough-time should approach reading it?

    1. Sometimes, Granny, that “time” thing works both ways. In the immortal words of George Bernard Shaw, “Please forgive this long letter. I didn’t have time to write a short one.”

    1. “I dunno, dude. You think OC wants to be with Q right now?”

      “Yeah, dude, I do. But just at the moment, I reckon he’s safer right where he is.”

      Thanks, Jenn.

    1. Mocha, that idea’s just … uncomfortable. Having to wear all those points of law, and in the tenderest of loci. No wonder the court’s such an uptight place.

  2. Ohhhhhhhh GOODNESS! Happy BIRTHDAY Quilly!!!! Well no WONDER she’s off exploring the big world! How GREAT! I’m sure you two will do your own little celebration dance upon her return! 🙂

  3. the birthday girl is partying sans dudes? where’s the pun in that?

    too funny, amoeba. and, of course, happy birthday to quilly!

  4. Hau`oli La Hanau to our Birthday girl. I hope the Dudes have their brief’s all sorted out by the end of the day. Boss man isn’t going to be too happy about that if they don’t. 🙂

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