Even in Church …

Today before service pastor reminded everybody that the impromptu Summer Choir meets at 9:00 a.m. next Sunday for a quick rehearsal before service.   He said anybody was welcome who wanted to come, and then he added, “Whether you can carry a tune or not, just show on up next Sunday morning  and P., our choir director, will teach you how in just one hour.”  Of course the entire congregation laughed and P., our choir director, thanked pastor somewhat dryly for his confidence and praise.

After church was over I made a beeline for P.  I stopped her and said, “I am so glad to hear that anyone is welcome in choir. I have never been able to carry a tune.  Even if you put the tune in the strongest bucket ever made and hermetically sealed the lid, I could mess it up.” P.’s eyes grew quite wide.  She tried to interrupt but I plowed on. ” I love to sing though and pastor said you could teach me how in just under an hour, so I know you will be delighted to hear that next Sunday at 9:00 a.m. I …”  By now P. looked exceedingly distressed but I continued.  ” … will be in Hawaii.”

And P. said, “Oh, thank God!”

Reg and Syd: The News at Easter

Reg and Syd, two [ahem] satirical gentlemen of means, made their blogatorial debut in October 2009. Then, as now, they were discussing the events of the day at their waterfront club


“Ah, Syd, the stratagem progresses well. How very gratifying.”

“I’d propose a toast, Reg, but the champagne hasn’t arrived yet. Horrible service today. You’d think it was a holiday or something.”

“Well, if our media boys continue to do their work as they have been, we won’t have to worry about that much longer. You haven’t heard a word about the Pope’s actual Easter message, have you?”

“Not one. Not a sentence that has ‘Pope’ in it that doesn’t also have ‘scandal’.”

“Perfect. With the Catholics labeled ‘perverts’ and the Protestants ‘freaks’, soon Easter will be history, and the field will be cleared for our business interests.”

“I do find it hard to figure out, Reg, just how many of these pedophile priests there really are.”

“Sydney, you know that answer as well as I do. Very few. But it’s greater than zero, which is all we require for our purposes. We tell people about the ones we know about, and let their imaginations work. And if their imaginings come up with a number that’s, um, somewhat larger than the real one, all the better for us.”

“Indeed. The bigger the problem looks, the more people will leave the church because of it.”

“Right. And churches are just about the last things in society that induce a person to think of someone other than ‘me’. Which is bad for business. When we make churches look bad, we split individuals away from them.”

“And an individual will be thinking how to do better for himself. And when he does, we sell more stuff! Which means we can pay for all the champagne we want.”

“Right now, it’s beginning to look like we can’t pay for champagne at this club. Call the maitre d’ over, will you, Syd, and get him to find our waiter. And fire him, even if he offers some cock’n’bull excuse for his laziness, like going to an Easter Sunrise Service. Hell, especially if he was wasting energy at a Sunrise Service that he should have been conserving to serve us.”

I’m On a Roll

Yesterday, I took a big swallow of hot soup. It burned a path from my tongue all the down to my gullet. I instantly set the soup aside and grabbed my beverage for relief.

It offered no relief.  I’d washed the burning soup down with a cup of hot coffee.

Now I am pretty much afraid to move.  I am thinking about booking a vacation. I have a cheap caribbean coupon code — but considering my luck and the spelling on the offer I fear where I might actually end up.

It isn’t just the one incident that made me skeptical though.  On Sunday Amoeba had music practice so he went to church about an hour and a half before I did. I used my time to bustle around the house and tidy up a few things. I made the bed, put in a load of laundry, started the dishwasher and then sat down to read for a bit. Suddenly I realized I had to scoot to get to church on time. I shot out of the house and into the car. The garage door opened onto a very wet world of pouring rain.

I drove to church and parked in the back parking lot, then opened the car door and looked down. Sure enough, I parked next to a mud puddle. I would have to step very carefully.

I looked down at myself. I was wearing a lovely chiffon blouse, my black dress slacks, and bright-pink fuzzy bedroom slippers.

There was no time to go home and change. There was no way I was wearing pink fuzzy bedroom slippers to church, and there was no way I was missing the service.

That day I honored the hallowed ground appropriately. If anyone noticed, they never said a word.

So what’s next?  And if stupidity comes in threes, do I really want to find out?

Flashback Friday #3 – Easter Memories

Mocha With Linda has started her very own meme. This is how she describes it:

This new meme’s purpose is to have us take a look back and share about a specific time or event in our lives. It will be fun to see how similar – or different – our experiences have been!.

I am enjoying this meme a lot. Grab the button and the link and come play along. Linda’s theme this week is:

What was Easter like when you were little? For example, did you receive a basket with toys and candy? Was the Easter Bunny part of your family’s celebration? Did your family integrate both secular and spiritual aspects of the day? Did you dye Easter eggs. . . .and did your family eat them afterward? Did you usually get a new outfit? (Post a picture if you have one!) Does any Easter stand out particularly? You might also share how your Easter today is similar or different to your childhood.

I always got a new dress and new shoes for Easter. Shopping for it would be a big deal. Gram always got a new dress for Easter, too. We made it a girl’s outing and enjoyed lunch downtown, too. Easter morning we would don our new dresses for the first time and go to church. Easter was first and foremost about celebrating Jesus.

After church there was always a luncheon with a smorgasbord of food and tons of desserts, children’s performances, and singing was usually part of the program as well. It seemed like my Sunday school teacher was always full of ideas for skits and plays and party games. The afternoons were usually lively and full of fun.

When we got home, Gram would send me to my room to change into play clothes. When I emerged from my room an Easter Basket would await me. Gram had usually hid a half-dozen of the eggs we’d colored and I would look for them. Sometimes she would oblige me and hide them two or three times before insisting I return them to the fridge. Yes, we ate the eggs.  As a child I knew about the Easter Bunny, but I don’t ever remember believing him to be real.

As an adult, Easter is still all about celebrating Jesus. I haven’t bothered with the new dress and shoes for years now. The last time I colored eggs was probably 5 years ago for Sidewalk Sunday School. I have always attended both the sunrise service and the regular Sunday service on Easter. Our first two Easters together, Amoeba and I did the sunrise service and then went home. But last year we attended both services and we will this year, too, since Amoeba is playing music and/or singing in the service.

Thanks, Linda!  This was fun!

Girls Life Application Study Bible

Girls Life Application Study Bible, NLT, is designed especiallly for girls ages 11 and up. The leather like cover is purple and pink and embossed with a gorgeous multicolored butterfly.  The page edges are purple and pink as well, and decorated in butterflies and flowers.  Inside this dazzling package is the New Living Translation of the Holy Bible.

This is a complete Bible in the protestant tradition of Bible translations from Genesis to Revelation.  A dazzling variety of special features make this Bible unique:

  • multicolored text (black, purple and pink in various hues)
  • highly detailed maps and charts
  • life lessons
  • fast facts
  • simple yet jazzy line drawings
  • high gloss inserts with interesting/relevant info;
  • “What Now” questions for thought
  • memory verses
  • a topical index designed with a young girl’s concerns in mind
  • indexes of all the special features

One of  my favorite features of Tyndale’s, Girls Life Application Study Bible, is the book headings.  Each book begins with an explanation of Who, What, When and Where.  This feature also includes a key verse, a synopsis and a time line when applicable.

Another of my favorite features is the “At a Glance” sidebar that provides an intriguing glimpse of specific women in the Bible and includes an invitation to read more.

If you haven’t already figured out my thoughts, I think this is a great Bible!  There is a beautiful presentation page which makes this Bible perfect for gift giving.  If you know a ‘Tween Girl and want to enhance her Bible study, this book is the perfect gift.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Tyndale Press. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”