This Lane Is Your Lane, This Lane Is My Lane

He and She were driving down scenic roads (the signs said so) on Hawai‘i Island, He in search of plants to study, She in search of plants to photograph. Part of what made these roads so scenic was their profusion of diamond-shaped yellow signs, most of them announcing that They were approaching a “One Lane Road” or “One Lane Bridge”:

He: “Does scenery always have to be so narrow-minded?”

She: “Narrow-sided, anyway. I guess.”

He: “Whatever. But if they’re going to have all these one lanes, they may as well name ’em. Like – geez Louise what a squeeze – this one.”

He and She together:Lois!

He: “Now that, love, was super.”

She: “But of course, dear. Nathan!”

He: “Fast!”

She: “On this road? Are you kidding? Slow, if ever there was one.”

He: “How ’bout a sloe gin? This keeps up, I might need one.”

She: “Stay thirsty. Bryant!”

He: “Bryant Lane? I know a Bryant Gumbel …”

She: “Lane Bryant.”

He: “Uh uh. I am not going to try to drive backwards on this road, any more than I’m going to find a fancy clothing store on this skinny trail through the woods.”

She: “Chicken.”

He: “BucbucbucbuDAAAK!”

She: “P!”

He:Now?!?

She: “Not that! Just P.”

He: “P lane …? Oh good grief! That’s a Lane Violation if ever I heard one!”

She: “So you’re going on strike?”

He: “No, I’m going to strike!”

She: “What? Where?”

He: “On my Ten-pin Lane!”

She: “Right. You’re just trying to bowl me over, aren’t you?”

On Vacation in Kailua-Kona

Amoeba and the Quill are in Kailua-Kona on the Big Island. He gets to work everyday in a laboratory with his algae specimens and a microscope. She is having to enjoy the beaches, shoreline drives, and beautiful scenery. I know it seems unfair, but she is making do.

Kailua Bay

Humpy's Big Island Ale House

They went out to dinner the other night and walked back to the condo together along Ali’i Drive. She took a couple of photos of the sunset.

Cooked!

He: “So I’m standing here trying to fix dinner …”

She: “Fix dinner? I didn’t know it was broken.”

He: “Right. How ’bout you give me a break?”

She: “Where?”

He: “Um .. as I was saying. I get a saucepan, open the box, pour the contents of the box into the saucepan, add water … and now the box tells me to stir thoroughly.” Where do I find this thoroughly thingy?”

She: “No clue. I’ve been looking for years. Never found one. Carry on without it. You’ll probably do fine.”

He: “OK, I … dang it!!

She: “What?”

He: “The blamed instructions tell me to bring to boil. No way! I ain’t bringin’ nothin’ noplace! Even if I knew where to find boil any more than I know where to find the thoroughly. That saucepan is on the stove where it belongs, and it’s stayin’ there until it’s done!”

She: “[Sigh] Relax, love. Boil figured out this flaw in the instructions a long time ago. Leave the pan on the stove. Turn on the burner. The boil will come to you. Trust me on this.”

He: “OK. I guess I’ll just keep cookin’.”

She:No!

He:What ‘no’?? You want me to try to put this wet, slimy stuff back in the box? And go hungry??

She: “I want you to cook your dinner. Not you! Are you wearing your suntan lotion?”

He: “In the kitchen?!

She: “In Hawai‘i. Where you’re broiling under the hot sun!”

He: “Not in the kitchen two hours after sunset, I’m not.”

She:Phew! For once, I get a break!

He: “Where?”

The Hoofprints of Paradise

It was after sundown. Darkness falls quickly on the Hawaiian Islands after sundown. I was walking down a beachfront road in Kailua-Kona, on the western shore of Hawai‘i Island, when out of the darkness a drunk called out.

“Do you know God?”

“Do you know Jesus?”

“Or”, as I kept on walking, “are you just vindictive?

I walked on, reflecting on the true tales of living on the Hawaiian Islands for which “vindictive” is one of the milder words, tales which I myself had lived, and I heard him laugh. A crazy laugh, high-pitched, hysterical.

And I thought that I had never heard a more apt description of life in the 50th state.

This is Hawai‘i. Of course it’s hot here. Welcome to Hell.

Back to The Islands

I need sunshine!  It has been raining here for days.  Yesterday I saw a bit of blue sky and the sun peeked through for a minute but my friends and I at the coffee shop all ran outside to see it and I think we scared it away.  Alas!

After New Years Amoeba and I are off to the Big Island again.  Of course it is a vacation for me but he has to work.  Taking me along makes the trip a little easier on him, too.  Then he doesn’t have to worry about cooking, cleaning, laundry and such when he is working 12 – 15 hour days and making charts, graphs and reports half the night.

Still, cooking and cleaning only takes so much time and I’ll have hours I am alone to fill with … something.  I cannot just sit on the beach ad nauseum.  I am a lily-white haole and I will burn to a crisp.  That’s why I decided I should build an itinerary.  I found this great vacation ideas website designed to feed me ideas and detail the best features of vacation destinations of choice.

I also looked up some vacation tips.  I wasn’t looking for the usual “pack sunscreen and take a hat” stuff.  I wanted to know best places to eat — good food, little money — and sights to see.  Funny thing is, I was looking in my hometown rather than Hawaii. Imagine my surprise when I discovered Coeur d’Alene, Idaho featured on the site.  In the course of reading about it I also discovered CdA  appears in Patricia Shultz’s book ‘1,000 Places to See Before You Die’.  I always knew my hometown was special with it’s huge blue lake, green mountains and year-round sports options, but I guess it will always be in my heart as the sleepy little mill town it hasn’t been in a long, long time.