Blind Date

I overheard this conversation while waiting to walk across the street at a Waikiki stoplight.  A young lady, on her cell phone, says:

“So this Joey guy shows up at my door and he’s gorgeous and I’m thinking this blind date thing might not be so bad after-all.  Then he takes me to The Steak House and I’m thinking like, oh wow, this guy isn’t cheap.  Then we sit down and he starts to read the menu out loud.  I’m flipping through mine and he says, “Are you listening to me?”  I’m like, I’m trying to read the menu, and he says, “I’m reading you your choices.”  Right then I’m thinking like WTF, but I find the page he’s on and follow along while he reads the F’n menu out loud.”

Pause while she listens.

Cell phone girl: “Yeah, like for real, like he thinks I can’t read or something! But it gets worse.  I ordered steak and calamari, right?  So, when the order arrives and the waiter puts it down in front of me, this Joey says, “Now this is your steak, and this is your calamari.”  He pointed at each of them and I know I am staring at him with my mouth open and again I am thinking WTF, and he says, “This is your vegetable and here’s your napkin.”  So he hands me the napkin and I say, like, excuse me, cuz I’m thinking he thinks I’m a real idiot.  He says, “Pardon?”  And I say, so what did you just tell me?  And he repeats, “This is your steak, this is your –“  I interrupted him.  I said, you’re kidding, right?  And he’s all, “No, this is your steak and this is your calamari.”  Then he picks up the knife and starts cutting my f’n steak! I couldn’t f’n believe it!”

Pause while she listens.

“Well, it’s like you know… So, yeah, I am going to see him again.  But you won’t believe what he did next …”

The light changed, the crowd surged forward and I will likely never know what he did next or why she’s going out with him again.  And, since I didn’t want to be the only one dying of curiosity, I thought I’d share the story with you.

Overheard While Passing

I spent yesterday cleaning the condo. I worked alone with the windows and doors open, and once again enjoyed the sounds of a child-populated neighborhood.

Two brothers returning from the basketball court:

Little: “Pleeeeze! I promised!”
Big: “Nope. I’m like God. I don’t care what you promise. I want to see what you DO.”

While wrestling a huge box of garbage from the condo to the dumpster, a group of children — two girls, three boys — came around the corner of the building. I heard gasping and giggling so I pause to look down. They were all looking up at me. I briefly wished they were my students and I could ask for help.

One of the boys said, “Oh, oh. I know that look! Let’s get out of here.”
As they turn to flea a girl answered, “Yeah. Before she makes us work!”

Mother and son at Wal-Mart:

Son: “I want …” and he rattles off a whole list of things.
Mother: “If we get all that we won’t be able to live in our house.”
Son: “But I want to live in our house!”
Mother: “Good.”
Son: “But what can I have?”
Mother: “Fifteen minutes to be quiet and let me think!”

You might consider this next conversation odd, but remember, this is an island and it is surrounded by water and that which lives in it. Two of the favorite foods in Hawaii are fish and seaweed — both of which come in a surprising number of varieties.

Teenage daughter: “But I want fish for dinner.”
Mother: “Daddy didn’t catch any fish. We don’t buy what the Lord usually gives us for free.”
The daughter, with that look of disdain upon her face which only teenage girls can achieve, reached both hands into the cart, then pulled them out holding bottles of water.
Mother [heavy sigh]: “What kind of fish?”