Search for:

Dude and Dude: Tune In Or Else


Jeez, dude! What is it?”

“Omygawd, dude, it was horrible! Horrible!!

“It must have been, dude. You’re shakin’ like a leaf. What the hell happened? Did ‘World of Warcraft’ crash?”


“Did you wipe out on your skateboard?”


“Are you out of w …”


What, then?!?”

“I don’t know if I can tell you, dude! … I was sittin’ in front of the TV, flippin’ channels, duckin’ the commercials – y’know, like normal people do.”

“I’ll let the ‘normal’ go for now. Yeah?”

“Yeah, well, so a show I’m kinda watchin’ goes to a commercial and I hit the clicker. And it won’t click!

“Finally wore it out, didya, dude?”

It ain’t funny, dude! So I go click again. Nothin’. So I clickclickclickclickclickclick. Still nothin’. I’m about to get up to try to find the channel changer on the box when the screen goes blank.

“And then this big dude shows up on that screen. And I mean big. Pecs out to here. And he’s got the bald head goin’, and the three-day scruff, and the shades, and the leathers. The baddest big dude I’ve seen outside a hip-hop club. And he points the finger at me!

” ‘Yo. Dude.’

” ‘How’d you find out who I am?’

” ‘We been watchin’ you. You ain’t been watchin’ our ads.’

” ‘Um, no …’

” ‘You know that’s how we make our bread, right?’

” ‘Man does not live by bread alo …’

” ‘But that’s where we start, turkey. You watch our shows but not our ads, you ain’t payin’ for the shows. That’s stealin’. We don’t like people stealin’ from us.’

” ‘What the hell you call the cable bill, then?’

” ‘Chicken feed. Don’t even pay the cable guy.’

” ‘Fine. I’ll call the cable guy and tell him to take all this stuff away. Feed that to your chickens!’

” ‘We don’t think so, turkey. You been clickin’ for awhile now. A long while. You owe us. Big time.’

“He goes away, and the TV starts playin’ commercials. I try to change stations. Nothin’. I hit the remote’s off button. Nothin’! I pull all the plugs outa the wall! Nothin’!! And the commercials kept gettin’ louder, and louder, and louder …!!

“Wha’d you do then, dude!?!”

“I woke up.”

“You woke … That’s it, dude! No more pizza with anchovies before bed for you! I should wring your scrawny little neck!

“OK, dude, but … one question before I go?”


“Did you pay the cable bill?”


This post inspired by Kirsten and the George Saunders short story, “My Flamboyant Grandson”. Neither paid Your Friendly Neighborhood Amoeba a dime.


      1. Ya know i’ve seen those neck stretching programs on NatGEO. If Dude doesn’t leave enough, he could always try that. But they usually start at a young age, so I don’t know if it would work LOL 🙂

    1. See, dude? And you told me not to get my hopes up.”

      “Your hopes, dude, or mmffmmmffr.”

      Stuff it, dude. You want OC and Quilly both wantin’ to command-X us?”

      Control- …”

      “Aw, shaddap.”

    1. Doesn’t look like there’s much of a recession going on for the advertising agency types, Polona, now does it? Thanks.

  1. I’ve often wondered what would happen if cable bills went to ‘ala carte’ — i.e., I could sign up for ONLY the channels I want, and would be willing to pay for them. What an egalitarian way to vote with my money.

    Of course, I’ve said for years that if, on our Federal tax return, each person could designate what percentage of the taxes I pay to go towards different branches, it would tell the government much more accurately what the people who PAY taxes want them spetnt on…I would imagine a very small amount of that money would be assigned to “congressional support’…

    1. I would imagine a very small amount of that money would be assigned to “congressional support’

      Yep. Which would mean that only wealthy landowners, who could afford to pay their own way, would acquire seats in Congress. And they, of course, would ignore the voters outright and do what best suited them. Jefferson would totally approve (“the mobs of the great cities add just so much to the support of pure government as sores do to the strength of the human body”).

      Of course, it could be argued that this is no different from what’s happening now. Except that, in the current system, the campaigners at least have to pretend to listen to Vox Populi. And keep their mistresses out of sight.

    1. “Last chance, dude.”

      “For what?”

      “For your history lessons.”

      What history lessons?”

      “Wasn’t it you who said ‘who better to learn the past from than a pastor?‘ ”


      “Well, you got his attention, dude. Go for it …”

      “To England? You’re just tryin’ to get me out of the way, ain’t ya, dude?”

      “Oh come off it, dude. What kind of a blog title would “Dude” be?

Comments are closed.