Dude and Dude: Tune In Or Else


Jeez, dude! What is it?”

“Omygawd, dude, it was horrible! Horrible!!

“It must have been, dude. You’re shakin’ like a leaf. What the hell happened? Did ‘World of Warcraft’ crash?”


“Did you wipe out on your skateboard?”


“Are you out of w …”


What, then?!?”

“I don’t know if I can tell you, dude! … I was sittin’ in front of the TV, flippin’ channels, duckin’ the commercials – y’know, like normal people do.”

“I’ll let the ‘normal’ go for now. Yeah?”

“Yeah, well, so a show I’m kinda watchin’ goes to a commercial and I hit the clicker. And it won’t click!

“Finally wore it out, didya, dude?”

It ain’t funny, dude! So I go click again. Nothin’. So I clickclickclickclickclickclick. Still nothin’. I’m about to get up to try to find the channel changer on the box when the screen goes blank.

“And then this big dude shows up on that screen. And I mean big. Pecs out to here. And he’s got the bald head goin’, and the three-day scruff, and the shades, and the leathers. The baddest big dude I’ve seen outside a hip-hop club. And he points the finger at me!

” ‘Yo. Dude.’

” ‘How’d you find out who I am?’

” ‘We been watchin’ you. You ain’t been watchin’ our ads.’

” ‘Um, no …’

” ‘You know that’s how we make our bread, right?’

” ‘Man does not live by bread alo …’

” ‘But that’s where we start, turkey. You watch our shows but not our ads, you ain’t payin’ for the shows. That’s stealin’. We don’t like people stealin’ from us.’

” ‘What the hell you call the cable bill, then?’

” ‘Chicken feed. Don’t even pay the cable guy.’

” ‘Fine. I’ll call the cable guy and tell him to take all this stuff away. Feed that to your chickens!’

” ‘We don’t think so, turkey. You been clickin’ for awhile now. A long while. You owe us. Big time.’

“He goes away, and the TV starts playin’ commercials. I try to change stations. Nothin’. I hit the remote’s off button. Nothin’! I pull all the plugs outa the wall! Nothin’!! And the commercials kept gettin’ louder, and louder, and louder …!!

“Wha’d you do then, dude!?!”

“I woke up.”

“You woke … That’s it, dude! No more pizza with anchovies before bed for you! I should wring your scrawny little neck!

“OK, dude, but … one question before I go?”


“Did you pay the cable bill?”


This post inspired by Kirsten and the George Saunders short story, “My Flamboyant Grandson”. Neither paid Your Friendly Neighborhood Amoeba a dime.

Stray Puppy Ads

I am being stalked by ads.  They follow me around the internet.  I thought it was my imagination, but now I know better.  I have been marked for retargeting.  There is a good chance you’ve been marked, too.

Do you keep seeing the same ad crop up over and over no matter where you go?  Does it show you something you had actually looked at and paused to consider on another website?  Do you ever stop and wonder, given the way internet ads rotate so quickly, why you keep seeing the same one?  There’s a reason.  You are a  remarketing target.

Don’t panic, it isn’t painful or malicious, but you might want to rein in your impulse buying tendencies.  Those ads are following you because you have already showed an interest in them.  Like stray puppies, they want to be picked up and taken home.  When you visit a website you are given an electronic cookie that works like a doggy biscuit.  Some electronic cookies are designed by retargeting companies so that whenever you visit a webpage that has their content on it, you will see the happily wagging tail of  whatever ad they’re promoting that corresponds to the most current doggie cookie in your browser.

Really, it is a pretty ingenious selling method.  The consumer is repeatedly exposed to products, services and merchandise of personal interest, and the advertisers are assured that interested peoples are seeing their ads.  Now next time you see that ad at three sites in a row, you’ll know why it’s following you.  And, if you’ve got something you want to sell, you know what kind of internet ad to purchase.

Magnetic Advertising

Okay, my business cards are working out big time!  My phone is ringing. How cool is that?

Now I think it is time to kick it up to the next notch and get Advertising Magnets. I can get my business cards printed with magnetic backs. That way people would always have my number and my Avon info on their fridge which I bet they never misplace.

I am also contemplating getting a couple of those magnetic car signs for my car door. Then I would always be advertising my Avon business. Not only that, all the mileage I put on my car with the signs attached is tax deductible!

I just took out a one week ad in the newspaper. It cost me just under $20.00. For a little over twice that much I could get the magnetic door signs. I could use them for weeks on end — months even — and only pay the one time fee. Plus, I’d get much better exposure.

Those door signs would also work well with another Avon selling strategy. At our last monthly meeting Cynthia told me I should always carry bagged Avon books and a window hook in my car, then when I park I hang a few Avon books out and interested passersby can grab one. That car sign might lead people in the parking lot to approach the car and see the books.

Or I could create a shape magnet. I think a magnet shaped like a bottle of nail polish (only bigger, of course) with my Avon contact info on it might be catchy. And all of these strategies combined (implemented one at a time, of course) will slowly help me grow my business.