Dude and Dude: Ave Gravitas

Uuhnngh … uuhnngh … uUungghh …

“Dude! Either turn off the video or close the do … what are you doin’ now?!?

“Buildin’ (oooOOF!) an altar, dude.”

“A what?

“An altar, dude! Like I said the first time.”

“OK, dude. To what?”

“To gravity, dude. And ’cause it’s to gravity, it’s gotta be (uuuhhHHNn!) heavy.”

“Right, dude. You want gravity? You keep luggin’ those slabs around like that, you’re gonna be a grave man.”

“Very funny, Bill. You could, like, try helpin’?

“Who put you up to this, dude?”

“That Hawking dude, dude. You know, the one who played poker with Data.”

“He did not, dude! They’d throw him outa the Royal Society if …”

“He did so, dude! I saw him! On Star Trek!

“Oh fer cryin’ out …”

“And he just wrote this book that says ‘gravity created the universe’.”

“So you’re buildin’ an altar to gravity.”

“I wonder when I should schedule the sacrifices …”

No, dude! Hawking’s a scientist. Scientists try to explain how the world works by means of natural phenomena. He thinks that by understanding gravity, a natural phenomenon, he can understand how the universe began. He doesn’t want you to worship gravity, ’cause that would make gravity supernatural. Then he couldn’t work on it no more, and he’d have to start all over. He wouldn’t like that.”

“He wouldn’t?”

“Trust me, dude.”

“So I don’t need …”

“No, dude. You don’t.”

Phew!! … But, dude!”

Now what?”

“What about the holidays?

“Oh, dude, can we at least wait ’til Columbus Day?”

“Not if they’re already startin’ the advertisin’, dude. And if gravity created the universe, like you said, how’s it gonna sound? ‘Only 45 shoppin’ days ’til Massmas.’

“Dude?”

“Yeah?”

“Let the lightweights worry about it, willya?”