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Dude and Dude: Ave Gravitas

Uuhnngh … uuhnngh … uUungghh …

“Dude! Either turn off the video or close the do … what are you doin’ now?!?

“Buildin’ (oooOOF!) an altar, dude.”

“A what?

“An altar, dude! Like I said the first time.”

“OK, dude. To what?”

“To gravity, dude. And ’cause it’s to gravity, it’s gotta be (uuuhhHHNn!) heavy.”

“Right, dude. You want gravity? You keep luggin’ those slabs around like that, you’re gonna be a grave man.”

“Very funny, Bill. You could, like, try helpin’?

“Who put you up to this, dude?”

“That Hawking dude, dude. You know, the one who played poker with Data.”

“He did not, dude! They’d throw him outa the Royal Society if …”

“He did so, dude! I saw him! On Star Trek!

“Oh fer cryin’ out …”

“And he just wrote this book that says ‘gravity created the universe’.”

“So you’re buildin’ an altar to gravity.”

“I wonder when I should schedule the sacrifices …”

No, dude! Hawking’s a scientist. Scientists try to explain how the world works by means of natural phenomena. He thinks that by understanding gravity, a natural phenomenon, he can understand how the universe began. He doesn’t want you to worship gravity, ’cause that would make gravity supernatural. Then he couldn’t work on it no more, and he’d have to start all over. He wouldn’t like that.”

“He wouldn’t?”

“Trust me, dude.”

“So I don’t need …”

“No, dude. You don’t.”

Phew!! … But, dude!”

Now what?”

“What about the holidays?

“Oh, dude, can we at least wait ’til Columbus Day?”

“Not if they’re already startin’ the advertisin’, dude. And if gravity created the universe, like you said, how’s it gonna sound? ‘Only 45 shoppin’ days ’til Massmas.’



“Let the lightweights worry about it, willya?”


    1. Dawg, I reckon I know no one I haven’t met, and I know less than nothing about celebrities because the media image is the deceivingest of appearances. Still, he has to have come closer than most folk to living the life of one of Futurama‘s heads in a jar, and hasn’t (so far as we know) gone stark raving crazy. You have to admire that.

  1. Every time I see something about Hawking’s latest theory, I get aggravated all over again. He is a brilliant man but a fool.

    As Quilly said on my post about this, wonder where he thinks gravity came from?!

    1. Linda, Hawking has spent most of his career wondering where gravity came from, and he’s got a pretty decent handle on it. I’d tell you more, but I can’t do the math.

      I reckon that the theists and atheists are going to get into their usual screaming matches over this, as they have ever since 1859 and the first edition of Darwin’s Origin of Species. I’ve become convinced that these tussles are less about the state of humanity than about which group, if either, is going to win the post of captain of the Titanic. I think that any omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent God would snap back:

      Of course the world works on its own! What kind of builder do you think I am? Tim Allen of Home Improvement? Read Mark 12: 28-34 and get over it!’

  2. That’s what I learned from the Dude/Dude conversation :

    Gravity connects people with shared interests and helps them engage in meaningful and fun conversations.

    says Google

    I thought it was the fact that when I fall I hit the floor and not the ceiling

      1. Gattina, that depends on where the ceiling is, doesn’t it? Have you reached your personal potential? And Google clearly isn’t dealing with this site with sufficient gravity.

  3. i wonder what kept the world together before a dude named newton invented gravity.

    i have high respect for hawking although i understand little of what he says

    1. speaking of gravity and newton, i am aware that galileo and ancient greeks before him did have some idea about the force but not to the point of defining it in a theory (not flawless as it turned out later)

      1. Don’t worry about it, Polona. To many people, the only one who truly understands the force today is George Lucas. May it be with you on your holiday.

  4. Ò€œLet the lightweights worry about it, willya?Ò€

    I must be mistaken. I read this post yesterday. I thought it had a different ending.

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