Lesser Evils

He emerges from the bedroom with wads of cloth in his hands.  She knows He’s headed for the laundry room.  She stops him.  “What are those?”  She demands.

He looks baffled and holds them up for her to see.  “Dirty socks and jeans,” he says.

She plants her hands on her hips.  “Uh-huh.  And just where are you going with them?”

He motions toward the door just a few feet away, “I was going to throw them in the laundry room.”

She raises her eyebrows and says, “There are NO dirty clothes in the laundry room. I worked all day to make it that way.”

“Oh,” He says.  He grins and tries to edge around her.

She sees him look longingly toward the laundry room.  “Let me repeat,” She says.  “There are NO dirty clothes in the laundry room.”

“No problem,” He says and puts everything down on the back of the couch.

She reconsiders.  “On second thought …”

Why is it the laundry room never stays clean for more than a few hours?


Taking Your Medicine

She: “You remembered to bring home the pills the doctor gave you?”

He: “Yes, dear. They’re right here.”

She: “Good. The medical people expect you to follow their instructions to the letter, and I’m here to make sure that you do that.”

He: “OK, I think. God give me the strength …”

She: “Of course I’m a blessing to you! Now here’s your first pill. Put it in your mouth.”

He: “Can’t I take a hacksaw to it first?”

She: “It’s not that big. Go on. Ah. Now spit it out.”

He:Whaa …??

She: “You heard me. Spit it out!

He: “But what good is that supposed to do?”

She: “The good that comes from following the instructions!

He: “Following .. the .. instructions ..”

She: “Look. They’re right on the packet. You can read ’em just as well as I can. ‘Take one pill twice daily until gone.’ You gotta save this one for dinnertime, when you take it again.”

He: “And so on until, like, August? Hon, surely you’ve heard about the difference between the spirit and the letter of the law?”

She: “Yes?”

He: “Well, then, may I suggest that, unless you wish me to become a spirit, we ignore the letter of this law and let me swallow the dam pill!”

Violet Russell

She: “Someone’s at the door. Would you answer it?”

He: “I suppose, but I don’t know what good it will do. The door doesn’t talk back.”

She: “Neither should you! Who is the person behind the door?”

He: “Name’s Violet Russell. Vi for short. Says she has a package for you.”

She: “I’m not expecting any packages. And I don’t know anyone named Violet. Or Russell. She’s not related to this Carney friend of yours?”

He: “No. And he wasn’t my friend.

She: “Oh. Yeah. He’d gone to the dogs, hadn’t he? Well, tell her ‘thanks but no thanks.’

He: “OK, I wi … Hey! Where’d she go? She was right here a second ago.”

She: “Hmph. Guess we didn’t need her package anywa .. wa .. wa … WAAAA–CHOOO!!

He: “Gesundheit!”

She: “Too la’ ….”

*     *     *     *     *     

Let’s just say that Quilly’s less happy today than she was yesterday, and yesterday earned an ugh. This too shall pass, but meanwhile … Spare a thought for all those who’ve gotten visits from Ms. Russell this cold ‘n’ flu season.

S’no Day

She: “C’mon, slugabed, I’ve got to go soon.”

He: “Snow day.”

She: “It most certainly is day. You can see in the house without turning the lights on, and it’s before 8 AM. We might survive the winter yet.”

He: “Snow day.”

She: “Are you listening to me? It is day! Wake up before it’s over!

He: “Hang it, love, look out the window!

She: “Oh my God, it’s snowing!

He: “Like I’ve been trying to tell you. It’s no day for you to be going anyplace!

She: “But I’ve got an appointment in town! I can’t afford to miss it!”

He: “You’re driving in this?”

She: “Yeah?”

He: “Then they’re something I do want you to miss.”

She: “My appointment?”

He: “The trees that’re shooting up out of the ground while you’re trying to steer a car over it.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     

She will be out in this all day – they’re calling for up to 5 inches of the white stuff, which in this part of the world will have the impact that a two-foot blizzard would have in, like, Maine or Minnesota. She’ll probably be by to visit blogs and all sometime this evening, or tomorrow. In the meantime, tell her to be careful for me, willya?