Blood Pressure Whoas

They sat down to a lovely roast pork dinner She had cooked.

He:  “Mmmmm, Kalua Pig!  I’m afraid I am getting to the age where meals like this are going to have to be a rare occurrence.  Time to start watching my cholesterol and blood pressure.”

She, pausing with her fork half way to her mouth:  “Is this an ‘in general’ thing, or do we have specific cause for concern?”

He: “Last time we checked everything was within normal bounds for a man my age.  I’m just saying we should work at keeping it that way.”

She, relaxing:  “Okay.  And really, we should both be eating more fish and chicken anyway.”

He: “I totally agree.”

She: “But when I feed you only fish and chicken for a week, you complain.”

He:  “I know, but I guess I am just going to have to get used to it.”

She:  “All right.  I guess that leaves what I planned for tomorrow’s meal out.  I wish we’d had this conversation before I shopped.”

He: “Why?  What were you going to fix tomorrow?”

She waved her fork at the roast:  “Look at the size of this thing.  I planned on taking the meat off the bone and making enchiladas.”

He: “Enchiladas?  Did I mention that my cholesterol and blood pressure are within the normal range for a man my age?”

She: “What if the enchiladas tip you over the edge?”

He: “You can serve chicken on Wednesday.”


He: “So I’m standing here trying to fix dinner …”

She: “Fix dinner? I didn’t know it was broken.”

He: “Right. How ’bout you give me a break?”

She: “Where?”

He: “Um .. as I was saying. I get a saucepan, open the box, pour the contents of the box into the saucepan, add water … and now the box tells me to stir thoroughly.” Where do I find this thoroughly thingy?”

She: “No clue. I’ve been looking for years. Never found one. Carry on without it. You’ll probably do fine.”

He: “OK, I … dang it!!

She: “What?”

He: “The blamed instructions tell me to bring to boil. No way! I ain’t bringin’ nothin’ noplace! Even if I knew where to find boil any more than I know where to find the thoroughly. That saucepan is on the stove where it belongs, and it’s stayin’ there until it’s done!”

She: “[Sigh] Relax, love. Boil figured out this flaw in the instructions a long time ago. Leave the pan on the stove. Turn on the burner. The boil will come to you. Trust me on this.”

He: “OK. I guess I’ll just keep cookin’.”


He:What ‘no’?? You want me to try to put this wet, slimy stuff back in the box? And go hungry??

She: “I want you to cook your dinner. Not you! Are you wearing your suntan lotion?”

He: “In the kitchen?!

She: “In Hawai‘i. Where you’re broiling under the hot sun!”

He: “Not in the kitchen two hours after sunset, I’m not.”

She:Phew! For once, I get a break!

He: “Where?”

Lesser Evils

He emerges from the bedroom with wads of cloth in his hands.  She knows He’s headed for the laundry room.  She stops him.  “What are those?”  She demands.

He looks baffled and holds them up for her to see.  “Dirty socks and jeans,” he says.

She plants her hands on her hips.  “Uh-huh.  And just where are you going with them?”

He motions toward the door just a few feet away, “I was going to throw them in the laundry room.”

She raises her eyebrows and says, “There are NO dirty clothes in the laundry room. I worked all day to make it that way.”

“Oh,” He says.  He grins and tries to edge around her.

She sees him look longingly toward the laundry room.  “Let me repeat,” She says.  “There are NO dirty clothes in the laundry room.”

“No problem,” He says and puts everything down on the back of the couch.

She reconsiders.  “On second thought …”

Why is it the laundry room never stays clean for more than a few hours?


Dinner Presentation

He: “I’m home!”

She: “Just in time. Dinner’s on the table.”

He: “You’re expecting me to shoo it off?

She: “No, I’m expecting you to eat it.”

He: “And what is ‘it’?”

She: “Meatloaf.”

He: “But we haven’t gone anyplace! Certainly not on business.”

She: “Yes?”

He: “So you’re serving me conference food?”

She: “Of course. Your conference is with me. In your own home. We meet, and then you loaf.”

He: “You’ve been shopping for shoes, haven’t you?”

She: “Shoes?”

He: “Didn’t you just tell me you wanted me to meet loafers?”

She: “I’d tread lightly on that if I were you.”

He Said WHAT?!

Mid-afternoon on Sunday She said, “Lunch was pretty light and it’s four hours until dinner.  Would you like a snack?”

He was staring intently at his computer and didn’t look up from his typing.  “Uhm, yeah.  How about … not a sandwich.  Maybe a coke and something chippy.”

She said, “Something, what?”

Without a pause in his work He answered.  “Chippy.  Something chippy.”

She said, “You want coke and a chippy?”

He said, “Yeah.”

She said, “Okay. I can probably do that.  You want your chippy with or without syphilis?”

His fingers froze above the keyboard.  He turned his head to look at her.  She could actually see him mentally hit rewind and review the conversation.  “Oh!” He grinned sheepishly.  “Hold the syphilis.  Just bring me a Coca-Cola and whatever snack chips we have in the house.”

“Right,” She said.  “One rolling pin coming up.”